Why is it so provocative to keep going?
I'll start by saying that I get a lot of positive feedback about working out, staying active, and trying to take care of my health. People get in touch and tell me that they've been inspired to start exercising, lose weight, or return to the gym after many years. It makes me both happy and humbled.
But there is also another kind of comment:
“What good is that supposed to do? Do you think you’ll live longer? Do you think you’re better than others? You’re too extreme.”
The strange thing is that I don't tell these people how to live. I train my body, eat my way and sometimes talk about it. Yet my choice is interpreted by some as a criticism of theirs. And then I start to wonder: What is really so provocative about someone trying to stay healthy, strong and functional for as long as possible?
If we turn the question around
Imagine if I were to walk up to someone and say:
“Why have you allowed yourself to become so overweight? Why do you drink alcohol three or four days a week? Do you think you are something? Why are you so extreme in the other direction?”
That would of course be disrespectful. Most of us understand that we should not comment on other people's bodies, habits and health in that way. Every person has their own history, their own circumstances and their own difficulties.
But for some reason, the line sometimes seems to disappear when the comment is directed at someone who exercises a lot, refuses another drink, or prioritizes sleep and recovery. Then it can suddenly be considered perfectly acceptable to call the person obsessed, self-absorbed, or extreme.
I think it's a strange double standard.
It may not be the training that provokes. I don't think it's really the dumbbells, the walks or the lunch boxes that are disturbing. What can be jarring is what they happen to arouse in the viewer.
We humans constantly compare ourselves to each other. Often it happens without us even noticing. When someone around the same age manages to do something we ourselves have put off, the comparison can become uncomfortable. The other person doesn't have to say a single judgmental word. It can still feel like a question is being asked:
“If he can prioritize his health – why can’t I?”
That question can be the beginning of inspiration. But it can also arouse guilt, irritation or defense. Then it is sometimes easier to dismiss the other person as extreme than to reflect on your own situation.
A silent mirror can feel like criticism
In psychology, there is a phenomenon that is usually called “do-gooder derogation.” In simple terms, it means that people sometimes devalue someone who makes a choice that is perceived as better or more moral. Not necessarily because the person has preached or criticized, but because the behavior itself can be experienced as a silent reproach.
The research has studied reactions to vegetarians, among other things, but the principle is recognizable from many areas: exercise, alcohol, economics, the environment and work ethic. When someone deviates from the group's habits, it can upset the comfortable perception that "everyone does something like me." Of course, that doesn't mean that every critical comment is due to jealousy. Sometimes those of us who talk a lot about health can actually express ourselves clumsily or sound more judgmental than we intend. That self-criticism also needs to be there.
But it explains why a completely personal choice is sometimes met as if it were an accusation.
“You don’t think you’ll live forever, do you?”
No. I certainly don't think so. I don't train to defeat death. I train to increase my chances of living while I'm alive. I want to be able to travel, work, carry groceries, get up off the floor, and continue doing the things I enjoy. I want to have as many healthy and independent years as possible.
No one can guarantee that exercise will lead to a long life. Illnesses and accidents affect even people who behave in an exemplary manner. Health is not a moral grade, and ill health is not a personal failure.
But we know that physical activity and strength training can improve many of the abilities that determine how we function as we age. For me, that's reason enough.
When caring is perceived as control
There is also something called psychological reactance. When people feel that someone is trying to control them or limit their freedom, they often have an impulse to resist. This also applies to health messages.
“You need to exercise.” “You should lose weight.” “You can’t eat that.” Such statements can create more defense than change.
That's why I try to distinguish between inspiring and controlling. I can tell you what I do, what I've learned, and what the research shows. But the decision always belongs to the individual.
At the same time, the same respect must go both ways. Those who choose to exercise should not have to apologize for it. Those who say no to alcohol are not boring. Those who prioritize their sleep do not think they are better than others.
Is it really extreme?
The word “extreme” is often used strangely when it comes to health.
Spending a few hours a week building and maintaining the body that will carry us through life can be described as extreme. At the same time, it is considered normal to sit still most of the day, sleep too little, and use alcohol as a natural relaxation several nights a week.
I'm not saying everyone should live like me. I've been working out most of my life, I enjoy it, and it's an important part of both my work and my identity. My level isn't for everyone.
But perhaps we need to consider where we have set the bar for what counts as normal – and why effort sometimes provokes more than self-neglect.
I don't want to be better – I want to feel better
This is perhaps the most important difference. I don't train to be better than anyone else. I train to feel better than I would have if I had not. I don't compete with the person next to me. I try to take responsibility for the body and the life I've been given. If it also inspires someone else, that's fantastic. If someone else chooses differently, that's their decision.
But let's stop making healthy choices suspect. Let's stop ridiculing people who are trying to change their lives. And, above all, let's stop interpreting someone else's discipline as a personal affront.
The next time an active person causes irritation, the question may not need to be: “Who does he think he is?”
Perhaps the question could instead be:
“Is there anything here that could also make my life a little better?” Because inspiration is not an accusation. And taking care of your body is not a claim that you are more worthy than someone else.
It's just an attempt to continue living life to the fullest - as long as possible.
All the best, Kenneth
Sources and further reading
